Dream Diary - 28.10.2016, 31.11.2016, 02.11.2016

There's a cut of sadness running through these dreams. All of them carry the unusual sense of being dead. All of them are filled with the knowledge that I have died, and that what is left of my soul is falling or fading from the earth.

1) I am on Queen's Road in Brighton. A lot of my friends are there. They are chatting, there is an unusual tension amongst them - in their body language and the sounds coming from their mouths. I can barely understand what any of them are saying unless I make the effort to go very close to them and pay an almost painful level of attention to them. As I do that their language pulls itself into focus. I begin to realise that though what the people around me are saying is (through struggle) at least comprehensible, what I am saying is not. It isn't only incomprehensible. It isn't there. I begin screaming. My voice in the dream is closer to the voice I yearn to have in reality. This usually happens. Myra seems to be able to hear something of my screaming, but just in a tiny way. She is effected by it. I follow her down the road trying desperately to communicate to her. She begins to speak, more to herself than to me. She is speaking in order to vocalise that I am dead. I have to get back. I can't.

2) Very blurry and distant now. I am swinging onto an iceberg for a concert. Everyone packs up too quickly and I can't keep up. We have played a concert in a built into the iceberg. Everyone has got back onto the ship. I have to get back but I can't so I am forced to stay there which makes me afraid.

3) I am once again in Brighton and Dolly is encouraging me to go to an important interview with Ruth at her house. When I get to her house she says that the interview will take place in the bath and we put on swimming costumes and armbands to preserve our modesty. It is a big bath filled with bubbles and the interview is about poetry. The interview isn't being recorded. I don't understand why not but I feel very relaxed about everything even though I know that something really unsettling is happening by the nearby roundabout (see video below) and I am powerless to ignore it. I realise while I am in the bath that I am dead and find a phone and tell it that I have to get back to Dolly to see her before I fade out and I try to call my family only to be put through to their dog who has a low but kind voice. He won't allow me to speak to anyone else. The bath is warm and I know I should get out of it. Ruth waits patiently. The roundabout occasionally hoots.